Because I feel so passionate about the seriousness of this topic. I didn’t include pictures.
Communication. What is so hard about communicating your needs to another individual? Why is it that people hold everything in or better yet tell other people about what is plaguing them rather than go to the source of the plague and come to a resolution? Stress is the main cause of heart attacks and strokes today. STRESS. Why torment and torture your body, mind, and heart with pain when you can just speak and say what is on your mind to relieve your spirit of any harm being done to it. All of your actions ultimately affect your spirit in ways you’ll never understand until your triggers are set off. It is not confrontational to communicate what is wrong especially if it is something regarding life, death, or safety in some cases. But I have a question, what if what is bothering you and what you want to communicate is something that will “IGNITE LIFE”. I’m talking about setting the world on positive energy and shaping the perception of the world in order to change the current negative views on everything in front of our eyes. What if what you think you see is “killing your thoughts” but what you REALLY see is actually “evolving your thoughts”? This goes back to our illusion conversation and transforming your thoughts into the reality of what you dream them to be. Whatever you see can be transformed into whatever you want it to be with the power of your mind controlling your eyes. Let that marinate.
While that is marinating, let me give you some insight on me. I am far from any surface activity. I am everything beneath the surface. I’m talking about the tectonic plates shifting causing earthquakes, the tsunamis, the icebergs hidden in the ocean but slowly creeping to the top. I am everything you cannot see on the surface. So when you see pieces of me in the reflection of your eyes just know there’s something greater going on and there’s always a bigger picture than what your eyes are seeing. I’m loud but I’m private. I’m not the type to broadcast my business or anyone else’s even if it is to justify the way that I move. It is my freewill to move how I move just as it is anyone’s freewill to have an opinion about how I move the way that I move. The surface activity is only a diversion to distract you from the truth of what’s really going on. I try my best to not get caught up in low vibrations. I’m too great for that.
I need high intensity elevations and deep sea level conversations…#peachyquote
Bottom-line, If you are not that then stay over there. Please keep your low vibrational surface level negativity all to yourself because it is not needed over here and I am only going to deflect it so you are wasting your time, emotions, and energy if you think that you can stop me from being me. I know that I’m am too powerful for most and I’ve accepted that. That’s between me and God. I’m too powerful for a reason and everything that I do and how I move is all for a reason. That reason is greater than you and me. That reason is greater than all of us. Don’t mind me if I do not care to take action in what you think half of the time it barely makes it to my mind…I stop it at your mouth because I’m serving a higher purpose calling for greater needs. What is big in your eyes is small in mine. I want to save the World by calling action and igniting culture of healing. What is it that you have against that? What is it that you have against someone else’s Journey to Peace?
I guess this is why beef exists because people are afraid to say how they feel. They are afraid of confrontation. You know what sucks. Working with someone that doesn’t know how to assertively express themselves because they are afraid of confrontation shaking my head. We can go back to when I had just got to Hawaii and was a few months in still learning my job at work. My coworker is white and she was handling the work schedule. She had told me in confidence that she does not like confrontation so that’s a little foreshadowing and I should’ve taken that as a warning that meant she had the potential to be shady, lowdown, and downright nasty when it comes to character flaw. I wish I could choose the people that I work with. I’d choose them solely off character just as I do with my romantic relationships. I say romantic because relationships are romance to me. Romance me or stay away from me. Anyway, I should’ve taken heed to her small confession that I took lightly. She had surgery coming up and I noticed that everyone had their holidays off including her, everyone except me. I asked her about it and she said that leadership does the schedule and she doesn’t know. Now, I told you that I am the one to address the source myself so I went to our supervisor and he tells me that he did not do anything with the schedule and that we are in control of it. I showed him how she had 2 days off and 4 days off for surgery so 6 consecutive days off altogether and I had to work 8 days straight instead of her sharing the time with me. Okay so now you’re following. She did me wrong and I’m like an elephant. I remember everything that you do. I made her feel pretty guilty about that later but not in a way that you might think. Our supervisor said why didn’t you change it and I told him that I did not have the password to the schedule so then he gave it to me and said ya’ll are in control of the schedule, I let ya’ll do your own thing with it. That is when I held the golden key and you better believe I revamped the schedule. I know you’re dying to know how I made her feel guilty. I have a soft spot for a certain generation of people. Her family was having a surprise party for her grandpa and she found out about it 2 days before the actual party. Those are my days off. So she says I know I’m not going to be able to go to it but I really want to. I go into the schedule and put the leave on her name and scratch through my days off so that I can work her shift while she’s on the mainland. Yes you better believe she felt super guilty for being so nasty-nice, condescending, and anti-confrontational with me. Some people wear their privileges on their shoulder. I said okay now you can go. She thanked me so much and almost started crying. I took it a step further and explained to her why I did that deed because it surely was not about her. I love grandparents. I go home on my grandma’s birthday every year. She turned 81 on February 20th. This is called knowing and understanding history. I am about to cry thinking about just how much my grandma means to me. So no this was not for her. This was a big picture. My grandma is a true Legacy all herself.
But yes this is the type of crap I have to deal with. This job is an illusion I strive so hard to transform into the best things that I can see it as being every day that goes by. All I can muster up is looking out for my troops and helping them to understand that everything is going to be ok, life goes on, work will get done with or without you, you are not a robot, you are not just a number, you are not expendable, and you are not your uniform. You wear the uniform but you are unique self while outside of your uniform. It is important for to me that my troops know their identity and can separate themselves personally from work life.
It is a difficult balance to maintain but it can be done. I sat in a 2 hr meeting the day before yesterday about generally nothing that couldn’t be sent in an email. I sat and watched a supervisor kill her troop’s will to live with a simple unprofessional relationship. I know this because it was me that he told his disguised suicidal thoughts to. Nobody tells you that it won’t be like the training videos they force us to watch. It won’t come out as “I’m going to kill myself”. It came out as “I almost didn’t make it to work” but I thought about…and in that moment my intuition kicked in and knew he really almost did not make it in to work. This is when I told him how imports his life is and that he is not his uniform and that he can be happy if he chooses to be happy.
Of course it got swept under the table never to be heard of again but he’s still dealing with the aftermath. I put a lot into teaching him how to grieve and giving him tools to grieve and she snatched it all away with some kind of fake love. To give your all to the job and to the people is more than stressful and draining. It is spiritual warfare. I refuse to pop pills at work just to survive a job I hate. They can miss me with all of that. None of these things here belong to me and I am only here to fulfil my duties at work.
My main duties are taking care of my people and knowing my people. Not that obligated fake I care because I have to. My kids know that I genuinely care about them because that is my heart. They have called me to pick them up when they’ve had too much to drink and they have called me just to talk. They know their secrets are safe with me and they know that judgement doesn’t exist at all. They are very open with me. They are one of the reasons that I reenlisted the first time.
I told my mentor that I was getting out of the military and she said what about healthcare and retirement. I said that’s nice and all but I need my health in order to enjoy my retirement. This job is taking my health and it attacks my spirit on a daily. I refuse to let it win. I spoke to another mentor and she said but the Air Force needs people like you. I said I know but I believe something bigger than the Air Force needs people like me so I’m going to go with that. She said well they lost a good one. I said they don’t know it’s a loss if they don’t know what they are losing.
I truly feel like they know what they lost at my old job my dream job. They appreciated me daily. My supervisor said I don’t know what we will do if they take you away from us. We really need you. To feel needed and not like you’re just another number really instill a heightened sense of pride. I went to work with my head super high and happy to be at work. Imagine waking up happy to actually go to work every day. Imagine staying late at work because you wanted to not because you had to. Imagine your coworkers loving you at work and enjoying life outside of work too. Imagine having a job that did not quite feel like a job. Now imagine it all being snatched away from you because of one simple mark down on an evaluation report from 2 years ago completed by someone that had never worked with you. Imagine that. I’m still grieving needless to say. That is just one more reason on top of many why I have embarked on this beautiful journey to peace. Many will not understand and it is not for them to understand. This is my life and I live it the way that I can because I can. For far too long I was a prisoner and now I’m free. I rock to the beat of my own drum and that is just me.
Communication makes the world go round