I can’t breathe

Ever wake up and can’t breathe. That’s my current situation. No matter how hard I try, I can’t catch my breath. Nope I don’t have asthma but if you heard me, you’d think I did. I wonder how a place so beautiful and so perfect minus the traffic can be this difficult for me to breathe in whether it’s rainy of sunny outside. Some say it’s the volcanic ash coming from the Big Island and some say it’s the wind blowing the pollen from the mango trees. I just want to breathe.

Waking up in the middle of my sleep with a dry throat sometimes scratchy and itchy nose then I have to scratch and rub my ear off. Deeeeeeeeeeeep breath. I just had to breathe just thinking about how I feel once my allergies go haywire. I swear I’ll never complain about the pollen coming from the trees on the mainland ever again. As beautiful as this place is, I enjoyed my stay but Georgia is on my mind. It literally feels like my entire head be about to fall apart and I’m never prepared for the onset of symptoms.

It’s so overwhelming to have both allergies and back pain because sneezing is super painful. I’m terrified of sneezing so I try to placate my allergies before they get all riled up. Not being able to breathe and having to sneeze just sucks. Imagine being at a job that you despise and not being able to breathe all at the same time and don’t forget the excruciating back pain. Something has to give right. Some kind of way I have to get some form of peace right?

Call it an escape but the bathroom is quiet. The bathroom is dark. The bathroom is small and secluded. The bathroom is peaceful. That’s it that’s my escape. Sometimes you have to create peace where there is no peace. I hate it here but I sure do love the bathroom. There is a joined locker room with 2 seats in it for the 2 girls that go to the bathroom together. I’m the only girl at work though, next to about 8 men so it’s a lonely bathroom stroll to look at a lonely chair next to the one I’m sitting in. I take in the moment of solidarity.

Solitude. Some people are scared to be alone but when you’re alone is when you receive clarity. Being alone is experiencing the true essence of peace. Relaxing in your own mind and watching your own thoughts. There’s something sexy about the way that they move. They belong to you and you can share them with whoever you want to share them with. Everyone is not deserving of them. Few will actually appreciate them. Some will try to kill them. Some will watch them Live. Our thoughts are the makings of who we are. Our thoughts shape our lives and ultimately our thoughts become our Destiny.

Try to always think positive thoughts. Tell yourself that you’re going to meet whatever goals that you are striving to meet. Always say “I can” “I will” “I am” hmmm I have a meme for this somewhere. Don’t you love when you see something so positively strong and it actually sticks with you. I’ll find it hopefully so I can show y’all. Bottom line stick to the words that provide you with more of an inclination to define and achieve your goals. To accomplish everything you set out to do. To succeed with your thoughts and words. That is the power of the tongue.

I can’t breathe until I am happy and at peace where I am at. I can’t breathe until I am seeing my vision for everything I imagined it to be. I cannot breathe until my mind is clear feet in the grass dirt between my toes leaves falling. I mean I cannot breathe until my heart is flowing freely and my body sways peacefully no pain. I can’t breathe until I give my stress some peace and my anxiety some love. I cannot breathe until I am where I need to be to make all my dreams come true. I cannot breathe until I outline a path of peace for others to follow with a guideline of how to reach euphoria. I cannot breathe until I see the world healing each and every pain of humanity. I cannot breathe until the sun is having fun and the moon kisssing the sea. That’s me phenomenally and I simply just cannot breathe as the world hurts.

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