How to: Bestfriend

Having multiple Bestfriends is like knowing that no matter where you go that you’ll never be alone because you’ll always feel your real friends are with you in spirit. I always feel my girls and I know they are always thinking of me.

I had to calm my Bestfriend down a few days ago. She said that I was heavily on her mind. She’s so spiritual even when she doesn’t want to be. I think it’s the cutest thing ever. I now know why I was heavily on her mind though. I told her I’m ok and working through everything that I need to work through. As I said before even though we are not physically near one another, we are in spirit. She has always known when anyone was out to get me or attack my spirit. She always knows when I don’t feel well and I don’t even have to tell her. I love her more than she will ever know.

When Bestfriends travel across oceans to see you just because they miss you. Many have flown out to see me but 2 of my Bestfriends have flown out to see me and both times it was incredibly therapeutic. One was before I got my new job and the other came after my last breakup and after I lost my dream job. Both of their visits carried me through the rest of the year both spiritually and emotionally. You see, for a long time, we have been married to each other Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte…and we know eachother like the backs of our hands. It’s really special and intimate so Sex and the City well country because we are country girls. Our special names run real deep Fab 5 and the newest Flosse Posse. I love my ladies.

We usually take an annual trip but with me being here in Hawaii, I’ve seriously complicated that tradition but we will get back there soon. I seriously could go on and on about my bestfriends because they are the magic of what makes up a Bestfriend. Real and true.

So I’d think you’d more so want to hear about the people that became aquaintances…and later accidentally entered the realm of bestfriend and how they are stuck with me. I don’t talk to anyone much but when we do talk, it’s like we never missed a beat. I call it adulting. If I take time out of my day to call you and talk to you then I consider you very special to me. I barely talk to my family even though I’m extremely family oriented and love them like crazy, it’s so hard to balance a life and contact everyone. On top of that I get sad easily because I miss them so much. So it’s funny to me when people say we don’t talk much so we must not be friends or I picked them up and put them down…remember they are the victim not me. Always remember. Anyway I talk to the people I care about when I can and I call spontaneously so they are excited to talk to me when I do call. It’s like magic. The eyes get big and the smile gets big and we are just sitting there looking crazy but happy as hell to see one another.

I’m sure it’s a wonder of how someone can end up accidentally entering a realm…let’s just say they did the remarkable. Like that one time she helped me jumpstart my healing for my divorce before I even knew I was getting one. The conversation went “why are you with him?” I said well he used to make me happy. “but why does it take anyone else to make you happy?” “like why can’t you just make yourself happy?” Her questions made me think about my whole life because looking back, I had generally depended on other people for my happiness. Pause…let me just say that when you’re depending on someone else for your happiness and they leave….goodbye happiness. If they leave then so does your happiness. If they didn’t make me happy then I looked to someone else to make me happy…if someone couldn’t make me happy then I no longer needed them in my life. It’s said that the cycle will repeat itself until you figure out how to break it. That day I broke it and decided that from that moment on that I would make myself happy no matter what. I would depend on myself for my happiness and that would lead me to peace. That was the main goal to accomplish and everything else was put on the back burner. I always thank her for contributing to that turning point in my life. I am at a great level of peace that I have never known. For the first time at 31, living all alone on my own listening to the cars drive by and watching the candles burn basking in the peace moments and getting lost in the sounds of nothing.

I learned that if I am making myself happy and creating my own peace then anyone that comes along will just be contributing to it. If they leave, then I am still intact with my peace and happiness and they are only taking what they came with, not all. If they make me upset, I can still be with them and not leave them because they upset me. This is how you know you’re with someone on a real level and not just for what they can do for you and how they make you feel. This is how you know you’re with someone because you truly want to be with them and you’re not just stuck with them. Once I started making myself happy, I got a taste of peace and freedom all at the same time. It’s addictive and that’s when I knew. I’ll always love her for contributing to my growth. I look up to her so much for her strength, adventure, stride, confidence, maturity, and childlike wonder. We always end up being silly and playing whenever we are together like the goofballs that we are.

Accidental Bestfriends are the ones that stumble into your life then fall into a comfort zone and you decide that you’re going to help them up but keep them there with you. She came into my life lighthearted fun and friendly. She stayed. I helped her emotionally through her pregnancy and she gave me an everlasting friendship. I generally have a bestfriend everywhere that I go. In Charleston, I was so lucky to have 2. She dropped everything and went to Jamaica with me at a moment’s notice now that’s freedom. Something about people dropping everything for me really makes me feel super important. They say people don’t have the same heart as you but a lot of my bestfriends do have the same heart as me if not bigger. I love them with no bounds. The other was a bit of an introvert… stopped her life for me to take care of me, opened her home to me because I was not ready to live alone, and she was there for me at a very difficult and stressful time in my life but in turn I eventually kind of turned her blue, compassionate and empathetic unknowingly prepared her for something greater that was about to happen in her life.

But this is when I started losing my mind. I’d never had to grieve anyone that was still alive and it was by far one of the hardest things that I had ever had to do. Nobody tells you what losing your mind feels like you kind of just have to recognize it in yourself. For me, it looked like missing my first promotion test because I forgot about it. It looked like forgetting that I had to go shoot and qualify to go to South Korea. It looked like forgetting the keys I’d just sat down by the door. Going to the grocery store and blowing my horn via remote to figure out where I parked. It looked like oversleeping for work and being super tired 24/7. It looked like irritability and not wanting to be bothered by anyone. It looked like not working and just laying my head on the desk to get through the day for 8 hrs. It was the worst crook in my neck I’d ever felt. The pain of going crazy feels crazy because it all feels normal to you especially when you add the distractions. I wrote myself back to good mental health while I was in therapy and was cleared to go to South Korea but my boss said Africa, Dubai, Ibiza, and Amsterdam would only be a distraction from my pain so he didn’t grant me leave time for the multiple country vacation with my bestfriend. I’m about to cry just thinking about it. This was a time that all of my friends came together and showed me exactly what they were made of. And there are the tears. Bestfriends have the voices of angels. I listened to them as they sweetly told me everything would be ok and to take it one day at a time. I listened and felt peace.

God said it’s time to move on. Forgive and move. Please get help if you ever feel like you are losing your mind. Don’t let someone tell you that you are ok when you do not feel ok or not sure if you’re ok. Don’t let someone be your distraction or create a distraction for you. Suppressed pain only leads to more pain.  We say we are okay because we get comfortable saying okay. Ask someone how they feel and if they say okay then ask them to elaborate. Let that be your decision. Someone might need you to tell them that they are “not okay” because they don’t know “what not okay” feels like. I WAS THAT PERSON. I had no idea what not okay felt like but I prayed and God led me to the peace that I craved.

I met my next accidental bestfriend here in Hawaii and I am truly missing her like crazy. She left a few months ago and is happily living her life with her husband and 2 kids. What’s so special about her? She’s fun, an amazing fun and bubbly spirit. She’s a pure joy to be around. She brings me so much peace even from afar. She told me she don’t know what’s wrong with these men and that she’d wife me in a heartbeat. I told her maybe it’s not the men maybe it’s me. Then I have to remind myself that I can’t let anyone turn me cold and that it’s not my fault that I’m the survivor. Why would I change myself to fit into someone else’s world…I can’t. I tried to be caged as a butterfly one time and it didn’t work out so well. My vibrant wings were sticking out all over the place pretty much until the box was no longer a box anymore. Can’t cage a butterfly. Can’t tame a free spirit. I think I’m just too free for most. But she along with all my other bestfriends appreciate my free. If someone doesn’t, they usually leave.

Breakthrough moment. Appreciate my free and you’re stuck with me. Ironic that I can’t be tied down but you can be laughing out loud. Appreciate my freedom and let me be me exactly as I am without trying to change me or what I want out of life then you have got a friend for life. It’s funny because I preach about freedom, freewill, authenticity, being real, original, unique, and true all of 24/7 but some people still question me or wonder why I am the way that I am. Simple. Freedom, Love, and Peace harmonize throughout me because they are my foundation. They are the foundation of me. I’ll never apologize for that.

I didn’t name everyone but they know who they are. That’s all that matters. I’m free in that I’m unapologetic and I don’t care who I offend or what anyone thinks about what I have to get off my chest. When it comes to get it off, it’s coming off. That’s just the way that it is. Freedom in all things especially freedom of mind. My writing is very intimate to me and I don’t share it with most so if you’re here in the beginning, you’ll be thankful you are in the end as well. Someone asked me if I was worried about offending any of my exes…no. What have I been preaching about? Whatever I write is not about them, it’s about me. I am an actress on their stage of life just as they are just actors on my stage of life until I decide another actor or extra can fill the spot just as fine as they did. They are an actor on my stage until I decide to kick them off or until they decide to leave. Sometimes they leave and come back to try out for the part again. The main character will always be me and my denouement will always be breathtaking. The audience is watching, we must always give them a show that comes with life lessons and experiences. It’s all just more tools for the toolbox of life. All the experiences come together and something beautiful usually comes from them. If not, that’s life. Either way, the show must go on.

So I thank the people in my life especially the ones adding their beauty to my beauty and their peace to my peace so we can all just live in lands of harmony thriving off our spirit while our souls enjoy the pleasures of peace dancing to the songs of destiny and laughing throughout freely.

I thank all of you beautiful souls surrounding me as you are in your borrowed skin.

Bestfriends are made of something from the soul real and true.

If I call someone bestfriend then it means they went above and beyond to show me the makings of their soul. It means that I will always be there for them even when they don’t know that they need me. It means I will share my peace with them when they can’t seem to find their own. It means I will listen to them, cry with them, and share my emotions with them. I will be there for them at the drop of a dime until the end of time.

People think breakups are rough…imagine breaking up with a bestfriend. Someone that lives within you.

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