Attitude

Misunderstood Angry Misdirected Black

Mama said it’s best to be quiet at times. I’ve learned that quiet is an attitude.

2 days ago I watched a woman that is not black “but we will call her privileged” call out all black females for being disrespectful and talking to her like she’s stupid or not good enough. For saying yes ma’am and no ma’am when asked any questions. Instead of her communicating to them for clarification, she took to social media and ridiculed them by insulting an entire dynamic of black women. She was the supervisor of the black females but failed to properly display supervisor skills. It reminded of a time a few years ago in my own life when I had to endure the fake company of a white woman supervisor. She wanted to be my friend and hang out with me because we were the same age. She wanted me to invite her places. She wanted my validation. Because I did not invite her places or have my friends bring her food when they brought me food, she targeted me. She began to act very hostile towards me as if she wanted to fight me. She stomped around and slammed papers on desks. I no longer felt safe at work with her yelling at me and berating me in front of customers nor with her standing so close to me that I could feel her breath on my neck as she breathed down it. I watched her turn a complete beet red as she put her head down in defeat when she realized that I was right and she was wrong. I realized that this attitude was not going to stop from her because it was her way of communicating. She said that I was disrespectful by keeping my mouth closed. The way that I moved was disrespectful. I breathed and somehow disrespected her. While in actuality, she was the one with the attitude…she wanted to project her negativity onto me but I deflected it. This made her even angrier. It got to a point where I knew I had to say something so I went above her head and told leadership that I would file a no contact order (order of protection) if she did not stop harassing me. I liked my little stripes and I refused to let her catch me slipping on the wrong day. In other words, I wasn’t trying to catch a case and get my time prolonged on a deployment simply because I was dealing with a supervisor that had no clue how to be a leader and mentor through caring about her people. She said her goal is to tear people down then build them up. I said but what if there is nothing to build after you’re done tearing them down because at the time I was nothing. She couldn’t break me because I was already broken but she didn’t know that. It was my secret. I was dying inside from everything that I was going through. There was nothing left to build. It had all been taken from me. I took it back though and lived happily ever after. Leadership forbid her to talk to me and that was how I survived her narcissism. Beneath what everyone else could see, this was a broken woman so she wanted to break other people because hurt people hurt people. They are given these supervisory roles and then they take it out on people that are lower ranking than them because power and control makes them feel less hurt. Beneath the eyesight, this woman was suffering from the pain of being married to a man she did not want to be married to. She told me that she did not love him but that it was cheaper to keep him. He did not work and he constantly put her down. Well no wonder she’s walking around so grumpy and mean right. She was not only a bully to me, she was also a bully to the females lower ranking than me as well. She was jealous of their beauty and the attention that they received from men and women. She put them down as well as low-key punished them in multiple ways because noncommissioned officers are not allowed to punish. The creativity gets interesting though. She showed favoritism to the males that were lower ranking than her. She gave them special privileges and days off that were not warranted. I thought that it was just me that she was attempting to tear down but then I noticed that it was all of the females. Being black is an attitude itself. I knew I had to take care of these girls so I told them to type up everything that had happened and as it happened so that I could compile it all and we could present it to a higher authority that would deal with her. I wanted to ensure that she couldn’t make anyone else feel as uncomfortable as she had made all of us feel. I took action. I had friends in high places and I also had witnesses to back up my documentation. My plan was to simply take care of these girls. Week after week, I asked them for their documentation and if they had their memorandums put together. I also asked them if they needed help with constructing them. Fiona was going down for all the stress she had caused. A few weeks before action was supposed to take place, the girls told me that they were no longer interested in bringing Fiona down and was just ready to go home. I agreed as well because had an investigation launched, we would have been stuck on that deployment until the investigation was over. This is why most situations that occur go unreported. This is why when people hear about a single female race being called out that there is an outrage. If everyone would come together and report when these things happen to them, more justice could prevail. This was when I seriously started thinking about my separation from the military. This can happen in or out but the peace is worthy. I can’t change my blackness and I will not dull my blackness. I let my black girl magic stand tall and if that is an attitude then that is what I am. Attitude. Strong, Powerful, Attitude.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s